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By Mason
Duchatschek
When it comes to parenting,
talk isn't cheap; it's often expensive, particularly
when it isn't followed by action. If you're an adult
trying to raise your kid to be your "buddy" or "friend,"
then you might as well stop reading now. The ideas and
strategies I'm about to suggest are not for you.
When it comes to drugs, I
don't believe that talking to your teen is enough. It's
a good start, but it often won't keep you from easily
joining the list of blindsided parents who were sure
that their child could do no wrong (until their teen
ended up in trouble at school or with the law). Legal
fees, damages, lost scholarships, and rehab costs can
ruin your family's finances, and you'll still be the
lucky one if your teen doesn't end up dead or in jail.
Let me explain this another
way. I've been driving automobiles for over 25 years,
and I believe adult drivers understand what a speed
limit sign means. We've all been "talked to" and
educated about the dangers of driving too fast.
Police officers know that we
understand the dangers of driving too fast and are
responsible citizens. Do they simply trust us because we
are nice people, good workers, good athletes, or
volunteers at church? I contend that if education was
enough, there would be no need for radar guns, ticket
books, or fines for speeding.
Therefore, educating your
teen about the dangers of substance abuse isn't enough
either. That is why I'm such a strong proponent of
establishing clear expectations, opening channels of
communication, and implementing the follow-up strategy
of home drug testing.
I
advocate parents talking to their teens about drug use,
just like they always have, with one notable exception;
I encourage them to take it one step further and tie
rewards and consequences to the outcomes of randomly
administered home drug tests.
Parents should explain to
their kids that life is about choices. When teens make
good choices, they get rewards; when they make poor
choices, there are consequences. That's how a family
drug testing program works. Drug-free teens should look
forward to random test dates as if they were bringing
home straight-A report cards to their mom and dad!
When the
home drug testing program is explained this way, teens
should feel no more uncomfortable about being asked to
take random drug tests at home than most of us feel when
we are asked to take them at work. It doesn't seem like
a big deal at work because we have nothing to hide
(hopefully) and the expectations and methods of
follow-through were explained to us up front.
When the results come back
indicating no signs of drug use, your child should be
able to pick out a modest reward of his or her choice,
such as a music CD, a DVD, or an Xbox game. If your
child has made poor decisions, then existing privileges
get revoked and a timetable for earning them back (based
on future drug- free test results and improved behavior)
is implemented.
Besides
peace of mind for yourself, what other benefits are
there for members of your family?
1. Parents can suggest to
their kids that if the peer pressure to try drugs
doesn't go away (or gets worse) after they say "no" to
drugs, then the statement "No thanks my parents test me"
is a socially acceptable excuse that can stop pushy
peers in their tracks. Teens I've spoken with seem to
appreciate having the ability to remove themselves
gracefully from such situations.
2. In families where such a
program isn't in place, school officials and police
departments handle these problems by default, and the
costs associated with learning such a valuable lesson
usually are much higher.
3. In families where teens
have already broken the bond of trust and used drugs,
teens struggle to regain their parents' trust and
parents hesitate to give it. Now there is a way for
everyone to get what they want, since teens have a way
to prove to their parents that they are no longer using
drugs.
More
Information...
About the
Author
Mason Duchatschek has
interviewed thousands of parents, teenagers, school
board members, counselors, school principals, law
enforcement officers and superintendents. He is the
president of TestMyTeen.com based in Fenton, Missouri.
http://www.testmyteen.com.
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